# A Dream Chosen *i know that i know nothing.* i was thinking of sharing my views and feelings about life. Not because they are particularly unique or a way to live a life. In fact, i don't think a proper life philosophy should tell you how to live, but rather inform. It is not intended as preaching or a hard code of conduct. --- ## Index - [Origin](#origin) - [The Cage](#cage) - [The Spark](#spark) - [Stubbornness](#stubbornness) - [Rebirth](#rebirth) - [The Cost](#cost) - [Conclusion](#conclusion) --- ## Origin This is a bit too personal, but i think it's important to see where the idea stems from. i grew up getting nearly all i pointed at, and i behaved as expected. Then i got the chance to change, and i decided i wanted to be someone else. I wanted to be different, special. But then reality came and showed me how insignificant i am — how utterly average and unspecial. i decided to wait it out. Do nothing, just wait till i grow up. My life ceased to have meaning. --- ## Cage At some point, I saw cage around me — like Bane, living in a pit, looking up to sky where freedom is. I couldn't get out, for i lacked the power. Time went by. Eventually i climbed out of my pit... but thing is, while i have escaped my pit, I still wasn't free. There was bigger cage.... We all are caged. Constrained by our birth, by our education, parents. --- ## Spark Then i met people who were ordinary — ordinary enough to treat me as equal — yet they all had something about them. A spark that made them shine like a bright light. There was no lessons, no timeless wisdom. Just action. They way they thought, spoke, acted. In that same spirit, i realized i don't need to be special to be special. My birth or intellect do not determine what i can achieve. i have a choice. So i started learning new things. i had previously wondered what the meaning of my life might be. i got sick of wondering... so i decided the meaning of my life. --- ## Stubbornness It is now six years from that decision. i grew stronger, smarter, faster. At some point i realized my dream had been based on limited knowledge — reality is far more complicated and nuanced, and if i really wanted to make an impact, i would have picked a place more struck by this issue. This is where i introduce **stubbornness**. i think a man ought to stand behind what he says. To me, that decision was a promise. And you do not walk back on your promise. So even though my dream is inferior to the greater good, i still honor it. Even though it is unlikely, i still honor it. I think even if you promise yourself a basic things like cleaning your place or just keep showing up for someone. Regardless how pointless, it should be honored. For that is essence being human. --- ## Rebirth Since very early in my life, i was aware i will die and disappear. So i turned to Buddhism and copied their homework. i don't know if i will be able to achieve my dream. To me, it is comforting to think i could restart the game when i die — that i could just keep trying, over and over and over again. It doesn't matter how long it takes, or who i am when i try again, as long as i get what i want. Which is the benefit of my dream: it is not dependent on me as a person. i could be anyone, or it could be any other soul, and nothing would differ. --- ## Cost i will be perfectly straight — this is a costly philosophy. It carries costs, like hobbies, like relationships. And if i'm being honest, i think that's a good sign. i think any belief worth its salt should be lived, not spoken. What good is it to think but not do? Sometimes you will hurt, and wonder why you do it. Heck, after six years, i don't fully know why i do it. Others will live in the moment. They will live, smile, love. i wonder if i will ever have that, but it is not my place. *Brandy, you're a fine girl. What a good wife you would be. But my life, my love and my lady is the sea* …which is why i hesitate to write this at all — for me, it is a daily, silent promise. i don't name my dream, for then it would become a promise to another, and it is enough to carry promises to myself. Nonetheless, i think it's important to voice one's thoughts, as — allegedly — Marcus Aurelius did in *Meditations*, which i have yet to read. --- ## Conclusion In the end — happy or not — i know why i am.